Is money really a big issue in marriage? Maybe you’ve heard these money sayings or maybe at one time have even said them yourself: “Money doesn’t grow on trees”, or “Money is the root of all evil” or “Time is Money”. There are some who hold fast to the saying “Money is Power”. Money is a BIG part of life whether you are engaged, newlywed or married beyond newlywed. No matter how long husbands and wives have been married, people tend to “bump” heads when it comes to money. Some husbands and wives quit talking to each other when it comes to money because they argue instead of talking. The person who is managing the money may think it is easier to carry the burden of the marital finances in order to keep the peace. What is the mystery behind money? In all fairness it is not a mystery, it is more common sense and people are CHOOSING to AVOID what they know they should be doing.
Reasons Why Money is a BIG issue in Marriage:
1) On some level to every person, money represents security. When a husband and wife have not discussed what is important to them when it comes to money and someone loses a job, then security is jeopardized. Think about how many people possessed the American Dream and once the economy went into a recession people began losing jobs which affected their ability to pay their bills and even their mortgage. Once the mortgage got so far behind and they couldn’t catch up they received a couple of warnings to catch up and eventually they got a notice about being foreclosed on. Now not only did this affect the person who was managing the money but everyone living in the household. For many women, money represents security, being able to take care of their family and leaving a legacy. When security has been compromised, that does not make anyone feel safe.
2) Most marriages have a money manager and the other person has no knowledge of what is happening in the marital finances. Let’s face it, the money manager is usually the person that has good administrative skills, doesn’t need to be reminded when to pay the bills and has a goal in mind when managing the money. The problem that seems to creep up over and over again in this situation is that the money manager is literally carrying the weight of the world on his or her shoulders and not sharing with the spouse when there is financial decision that needs to be made. Finances in marriage impact the husband, wife and children if there are children. Therefore, the money manager needs to involve the other person and not just once a month. In the beginning, they should engage the other spouse at least twice a month so they are aware of what is happening with the finances. Consequently if something happened to the money manager, the other person wouldn’t even know how to pay the bills to include HOW they pay the bills (phone, internet or even mailing a check).
3) Feeling the need to keep up with the Joneses. Let me let you in on a secret about the Joneses: They are up to their neck in bills and late notices. They are also fighting behind closed doors. However they have figured out the difference in Public Finances and Private Finances. In public, they represent having it all together, driving the latest cars, wearing the finest of clothes and acting as if they are all lovey dovey. When they are in private, they can’t lie to themselves. They have to look at themselves in the mirror. This is when they are faced with late notices, the phones are ringing off the hook with calls from collectors. You are on the outside seeing exactly what they want you to see – not the truth. You are witnessing some of their best acting outside of their home. Give them their Oscar. The Joneses only have to pay their bills and not yours. You are the only ones responsible for your household bills, LIVE accordingly.
The reasons above can be eliminated if you desire your money and marriage to work. The choice is always yours.